Kidney punching

This has been an absolutely brutal stretch for the Detroit Lions. It seems like in the span of two weeks they've gone from having all the hope and momentum in the world to being beaten up, beaten down, and pessimism embodied.

Remember all my schedule fun? Well, I have no idea anymore. I have no faith in the running game (Kevin Smith's surprise thumb surgery hasn't helped). You can tell that poor Shaun Hill just isn't right (that guy is a trooper, though, which has endeared him to the fanbase), and even though local papers are saying that Stafford will try and play again this season I have trouble believing it - I just see him suiting up and getting injured a few play into the game.

There is just this nearly palpable feeling of negativity prevailing right now. What's even more ridiculous is that we KNOW this is part of the rebuilding process; when constructing this team from a negative value standpoint, it's common knowledge that it will take at least three years. After losing perpetually for years, shaking a stigma will take time. I think it's the seemingly immediate success of the Bucs, Rams, and Browns that is so irritating, and it just fuels jealousy so easily.

So, at this point, I don't know what to expect or even predict. I want to feel optimistic going into Sunday's game against the Cowboys, but I feel like even though the NFL is probably praying for a Lions' victory (the NFL seems to get off on absolute, complete parity; if any team can win at anytime, isn't that what they've been striving for?), Jon Kitna and Roy Williams will absolutely destroy any and all hope.

On a lighter note, did anyone read Jeff Pearlman's list of the 100 Worst players in NFL History? CC Brown did, saw he was number 90, and he flipped out. It's pretty funny, especially considering that he really is terrible.

this picture not only serves as the embodiment of Brown's time in NY, but also his entire career. I can't wait until he, Julius Peterson, and Bryant Johnson get cut and ride off into the sunset in a beaten down camry.

Porcelain breaks easily

There was a lengthy article in the Free Press this morning about how Matt Stafford insists he's not injury prone. At length he talks about all the games he didn't miss in college or high school. Former teammates gush about his toughness. Jim Schwartz also deflects and denies accusations that Stafford is now, officially, injury prone.

Do they know what injury prone means? According to Schwartz, it means aggravating the same injury over and over. According to Stafford it means lacking toughness. According to everyone else in the world who isn't A) In Denial or B) The Injury Proned Person In Question, being "injury prone" implies that someone is injured on a consistent basis. Or, realistically speaking, it means you're Matt Stafford.

No one here questions his toughness, not after watching him get beat down play after play (last year's win against Cleveland, even against the Jets when you could tell he hurt his arm the first time and anti-Favred it [beginning to hold his arm, abruptly and quickly pretending to adjust pads, warm up, etc.]) . We know he wants to get out and play. We respect that. Everyone respects it. It's just that he can't.

Being injury prone isn't something he can help, it isn't something that can magically disappear. Dude's obviously got one of the best arms in the entire world, he's got moxie, he's got charisma, he's got a joy for football that ranks up there with Hines Ward. Unfortunately, he also has the clear distinction of being injured all the time. Looking down the barrel of a gun marked "Out for Season," Stafford will have missed more games than he's played in. By the time his third season starts he may have not even played the equivalent of one whole slate of games.

What is aggravating about this whole thing is that we, the fans, are angered because we were sold on him. The Lions organization and the kid's talent alone make us believe in him. Yet, it's a double-edged sword because we also believe he's the engine in the vehicle of this Lions team, and if he won't turn over then neither will the team. So much of the future of this organization depends on him, and the prospect of having to get another quarterback (distant and eerie as it may be) is heartbreaking; the Lions were supposed to be thisclose to being a legit team again, and that can't happen without a franchise quarterback.

I like Shaun Hill a lot. I think he is Staffordesque in most ways except arm strength and accuracy. I believe he can lead the team to a couple more wins this season. Yet he's got a broken arm. So now what? Drew Stanton? Ugh.

To inject some gallows humor into this situation, I've prepared a list based on the fact that the word "Cursed" is now more prevalent than "Snake-bitten" when describing the Detroit Lions. This list contains top QB's in the league, and what would happen to them if they helmed the Lions:

1) Peyton Manning - Manning lasts 6 games under center, wins 5, and in the fourth quarter of the 6th game, being up 35 to 7, Gosder Cherlius is forced back onto Manning's leg. Torn ACL. Done for season.

2) Tom Brady - Mr. Handsome sits out the first game with a strained groin. He plays the next 10 games, but in the 12th game of the season is assailed by slippery rogue tiles in the shower, and suffers a grade 2 concussion. Out for the season.

3) Drew Brees - After being sacked by Jared Allen, Brees gets up quickly, bowling over a referee. He re-injures his throwing arm, misses 8 games, and is ineffective when he returns.

4) Philip Rivers - Tired of losing after a 5 game skid, Rivers blows his top and tries to strangle Brandon Pettigrew. Suspended for the remaining 11 games.

5) Matt Schaub - Developing a tremendous rapport with Calvin Johnson after 4 games, Schaub drops back to heave a 60 yard bomb, but tears the ligaments in his ankle when he trips over his own feet, alone in the backfield. Out for the year.

6) Tony Romo - Breaks his throwing hand during preseason when he tries to play catch with Nate Burleson. Breaks arm when he tries to return around the 10th game after high-fiving Kevin Smith.

7) Ben Roethlisberger - Locks himself in his basement after blowing a lead for a third straight game. Decides to be a Call of Duty professional gamer. Out for season.

8) Joe Flacco - Back thrown out by trying to rush for a touchdown in a meaningless game. Misses four games. Comes back in Week Five, only to get hit by a bus.

9) Aaron Rodgers - Attacked by a polar bear.

10) Kyle Orton - Attacked by Matt Millen.

....please God no no no no no nononononononono

Well....okay.

So, upon further reflection, let me add this caveat to the previous post.

I'm assuming Stafford is going to be out for a while, because he's a dainty china doll. So, if Shaun Hill is playing in most of those games, well, I can see the Lions winning. They played hard for Hill.

If Drew Stanton starts any of those games? Oh lord. Brutal loss. Every time.

Boy, is he terrible.

Just...just awful.

I mean it, he makes Dan Orlovsky look like Erik Kramer.

He makes Rodney Peete look like Scott Mitchell.

He makes Daunte Culpepper look like Jon Kitna.

He makes Andre Ware look like Dave Krieg.

(okay, that's the last one. I promise)

.....I'm a liar and he makes Joey Harrington look like Mike McMahon.

Monday Hangover

Ugh. Even after trying to sleep off that loss, the bile still remains, sloshing around. Blech.

The Lions have been castigated in the Freep, Detroit News, MLive, and CBS so far, and Kevin Seifert's excellent NFC North blog managed to criticize the Lions amidst three pages worth of Vikings stories. What that means is both positive and negative: people are noticing the Lions.

I bet every Lions fan feels conflicted about the game yesterday. On one hand, they hung tough against one of the best teams in the NFL. On the other hand, they choked a win away. It's almost an internal battle of feeling appreciative and ungrateful, where we know we should be absolutely ecstatic about the Lions' performance but still we are angry about a loss. Has pure, unadulturated hope made us bitter?

It's funny when you think about it: two seasons removed from an 0-16 season, in the midst of a 100% roster upheaval and cultural overhaul, Lions fans are suddenly indignant with a supreme effort and marked improvement. I knew they probably wouldn't win this game, just as everyone else did the same. Sure, they blew a huge lead in a stupid way, but the positive of it all is that they really could have won that game. They are light years away from what they were, and that is exceedingly encouraging. They need probably another offseason on roster upgrades (linebacker and offensive line probably needs the most, the secondary turned out to be better than they thought. Unless Amukamara or Peterson is available. Oy. Probably a different post) and Schwartz needs to keep learning about coaching for success in the NFL (it seems like he's been learning how to not lose bad, and just how to coach period). I dunno. I think this should be seen as somewhat of a positive, and that if there's an NFL next season then the Lions could, actually and realistically, challenge for the NFC North. And that, my friend, is awesome.

NOW, schedule evaluation!

10	Sun, Nov 14	Buffalo Bills@ Buffalo (0-8)	1:00 pm EST
11	Sun, Nov 21	Dallas Cowboys@ Dallas (1-7)	1:00 pm EST
12	Thu, Nov 25	New England Patriotsvs New England (6-2)	12:30 pm EST
13	Sun, Dec 5	Chicago Bearsvs Chicago (5-3)	1:00 pm EST
14	Sun, Dec 12	Green Bay Packersvs Green Bay (6-3)	1:00 pm EST
15	Sun, Dec 19	Tampa Bay Buccaneers@ Tampa Bay (5-3)	1:00 pm EST
16	Sun, Dec 26	Miami Dolphins@ Miami (4-4)	1:00 pm EST
17	Sun, Jan 2	Minnesota Vikingsvs Minnesota (3-5)	1:00 pm EST

Okay, let's assume that this loss doesn't break the Lions, but instead pisses them off. I'm going to go ahead and assume also that Matt Stafford and his stupid injury-prone self will be missing the next few games, if not the rest of the season. So, where does that leave us?

Wk 10 @ Bills - I see this as a win, because they must feel that if they can't beat the Bills, then what good are they? They needs this as a moral victory, and although the Bills have been playing freakishly hard I think the Lions are going to punch them in the face. (3-6)

Wk 11 @ Cowboys - The Cowboys are playing some of the worst football in the league. They don't run the ball, Jon Kitna is their QB, and Wade Phillips is one of the worst coaches in the NFL. All the better if Jerry Jones freaks out and fires him. I think this could be a win, and two road wins in a row should get this team sufficiently pumped. (4-6)

Wk 12 Patriots - I make this pick angrily. VERY angrily. I think NE wins this game. HOWEVAH, coming off of two road wins and going into probably the biggest moral game of the season for them (Lions games ARE Thanksgiving games), I can envision an upset. Still, I'm going on record picking the bloody Patriots. (4-7)

Wk 13 Bears - The Lions have been looking forward to this since week one, man. I think this is a decisive win, and it really helps keep Detroit's head above water morally. (5-7)

Wk 14 Packers - Another revenge game. The Lions know they can win this, and it's at home, and they're pissed. Lions win, and they try to decapitate Aaron Rodgers. (6-7)

Wk 15 @ Buccaneers - I have to change my pick from earlier in the seaon. The Bucs are playing terrific football right now, and Josh Freeman has made a believer out of me. I have a buddy who is a Bucs fan, and he talks about the mega home field advantages of TB (Bucs' home jerseys are white, opponents go dark and play under a sweltering sun, etc.). I could envision an upset, but I don't want to actually pick it. (6-8)

Wk 16 @ Dolphins - I still think the Lions win this game. It is a pick without rhyme or reason. Especially if Matt Stafford decides to play this week. (7-8)

Wk 17 Vikings - Revenge game, and a nice way to close out the season. I also think Ndamukong Suh cripples Brett Favre. (8-8)

Wow, that's better than I initially thought, eh? Of course, I bet my prediction will be off by a win or two. However, 6-8 wins? For the Lions? After the last couple seasons? Cause for joy, mon frere.

BOO HOO HOO, I HURT MESELF AGAIN

there's a gypsy somewhere laughing.

Today's game was a metaphor. No, wait, no. It was symbolic of....it.....hmm. Let me try again.

Okay.

The game that was played today was three quarters and 13 minutes of great, gutsy football. The last two minutes was a dripping lizard abortion. The playcalling was alright, the execution as as painful as passing a necklace of kidney stones.

With 2 minutes left to play and a 20-17 lead, Drew Stanton's protection broke on a 3rd and 6. He scrambled right and, instead of sliding and taking the sack that would keep the clock running, he threw (HE THREW) a pathetic flick towards Jerome Felton. Which was dropped because it was an awful throw, a surprising throw. The clock stops, and a Jets offense with serious momentum gets the ball. They have no timeouts, but it's a play based on script that has been reused multiple times for the Lions: choking.

The Lions' mighty defensive line was held up by an absolutely terrific Jets offensive line. Then, a secondary that is merely okay, not good or even pretty good, is put on the spot. The linebackers are a joke and did nothing to help, all game (it is kind of funny, though: the higher paid and more well-known the linebacker, the worse he plays. Landon Johnson and Ashlee Palmer have been playing rather well, while Levy has been "meh" and Julian Peterson has been nothing short of embarassing). Of course the Jets will move the ball. Of course they will be put in a position to win.

Another cursed kick in the nuts was Matt Stafford again injuring himself. Does this person know how to take a hit? Does he know how to land correctly? I've had it with him - he's in the Crap Hut with DeAndre Levy and Stephen Peterman until he does something HUGE to win me back.

Probably the most insulting part of the game, the part that was spitefully cruel, was the injury to Jason Hanson. Hanson has been the last bastion of hope consistency and hope for a team mired in bad fortune, and to watch him crumple and be hurt enough to not come back in....it hurt the fans watching. And of course Nick Harris, a capable punter, turns out to be a horrific kicker. So who's going to come in and attempt the extra point? Ndamukong Suh. Dude's now officially played on offense and special teams (Fullback, Kicker...yeesh). Regretfully, he shanked the kick. It hit the goalpost, so it wasn't a completely terrible kick. However, that missed extra point could have made a WORLD of difference. Think about it: instead of Folk making the easy field goal to tie the game, the Jets would have to get the touchdown. That would mean a long, deep throw, with the defensive line playing like they are possessed. I would have given the odds to the Lions' D in that case, but it's a moot point.

They lost. This loss isn't like the earlier crappy losses, where they Lions seemed to be playing from behind the entire game. They had the lead. THEY LEAD THE THIRD BEST TEAM IN THE ENTIRE NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE, and they couldn't close. So, lessons to take from this game, in all its spiteful, angry, cruel embodiment:

1) Drew Stanton has been and always will be terrible. Dude's got chutzpah, but that doesn't get him any results. Ever. Shaun Hill was supposed to be the guy to bail them out when Stafford goes down, and he couldn't play. All Stanton had to do was run a clock-eating offense. And he failed miserably.

2) The linebackers are by far and away the weakest part of this team. I mean they are absolutely atrocious. Instead of looking at a Prince Amukamara or Patrick Peterson in the draft, maybe they should focus on a dominating outside linebacker. Or two or three, especially when they cut Julian Peterson.

3) Matt Stafford is injury-prone. He may be tougher than John Wayne's elbows, but that dude cannot stop being injured. If he wants to shake that label then he will have to play through pain. It also brings to light a point that some thought was no longer a factor: The offensive line needs more help. Still. A good line can open holes for Jahvid Best and Kevin Smith. A good line can block for their quarterback, can buy him that extra half second, can keep him upright. A good line won't get called for back-breaking asinine penalties.

In a weird sort of way, it was nice that the Lions lost this game. It was close and they played one of the best teams in the NFL doggedly. They went nose-to-nose with the best defense in the league and put up 20 points, including being the only team to score a touchdown against the Jets in the first quarter of a game. And now, after all the goodwill, all the hope, all the rampant, blind optimism, we can honestly complain about stupid decisions. Good teams make crappy decisions and their fans are completely at liberty to complain. We can now complain, and be angry that they didn't win instead of just being a-okay that they just hung in there.

We expect them to win now. And it is gloriously painful.

Underneath the larger fellow is David Carr. David Carr was pounded mercilessly during his tenure with the Texans. He was a talented first overall pick with a sorry offensive line. Matt Stafford stands a chance of being Carr v.2.0.

My blood just ran cold.

'Skins 'n Such

I'm not normally a politically correct person, but I still think it's absurd that the Washington Redskins still retain their name. I won't go into a rant, because what hasn't been said before? Anyway.

The Lions are coming off their bye week, and it's a shame that the game will be blacked out in metro Detroit. It's funny that the hubbub surrounding that fact kinda overshadows the main problem with NFL game attendance in general: fans, the average blue-collar NFL-loving fans, are priced out of the games. Baseball games can be attended for 10 bucks. NFL tickets, the lowest priced ones, can cost up to 4 times as much. And do you think the yuppie fans care about this team? no, no they don't. Holy balls, I just realized I'm going into another "JUSTICE!" rant two paragraphs in. Geez, it's been a long week. Blech.

OKAY. Sunday's game against the 'Skins. I believe it's more than winnable. Last week's game of Chicago and Washington was absolutely hideous. Turnovers were everywhere, and it was one of those games where neither team felt like winning, and Washington just seems to be one of those kinds of teams in general. Their roster isn't impressive (especially their offense), and their defense, although they have some incredible defensive players, remain inconsistent.

Detroit, on the other hand, has remained consistent. It's just unfortunate that they have consistently been defeating themselves. Now, their roster is nearly intact and healthy. The main two components of this game, I think, is 1) Matt Stafford firing darts around (especially 2-3 DEEP bombs) and 2) Will Bleu Cheese Levy suit up and play well? So far I've read that he's likely to play, but is still (naturally) not totally healthy.

I swear, if this is a repeat of his last game (attempting to play, injury, out indefinitely), I'm going to have kittens. I mean it, I'm gonna blast felines out my hooch. The Lions let Larry Foote walk for this guy, and he has yet to prove he can lead this D. Ranting again? What in the world is going on today?

SO. ANGRY CAPS IT IS TO FOCUS. I PICK THE LIONS TO WIN THIS GAME, AND I FEEL ESPECIALLY CONFIDENT IN THIS PICK BECAUSE NDAMUKONG SUH REFUSES TO LOSE HOME GAMES ANYMORE. THE REDSKINS RECEIVERS CAN'T STOP DROPPING PASSES. JAHVID BEST CAN RUN AROUND ALBERT HAYNESWORTH (who is terrifying again). GOD WILLING, THIS WILL BE ANOTHER BLOWOUT.

Also, this past week Tom Kowalski wrote a phenomenal piece in MLive about how the Lions, now with Stafford, can stretch the field to a ridiculous degree. Calvin Johnson is a physical freak, correct? Kowalski reasons that if they run several straight up Go routes for Johnson, who can pace him? Landry is a bullet, but how are his coverage skills? Hall seems to thrive in chaos, but can he keep up with Calvin? This strategy is brilliant, and if the Redskins are playing Johnson honest, Stafford should be able to connect multiple times with Pettigrew, Burleson, and Scheffler.

Calvin smiles when he remembers he's wearing Az Hakim's old jersey number.

A New Season

If I may be permitted to spew some teenaged interweb vernacular,

ZOMG

Jahvid Best practiced today. Matt Stafford has been practicing. Calvin Johnson's arm feels good. Even DeAndre "Bleu Cheese" Levy is slated to play. To START.

I just pooped again.

Look, I know and you know the Lions won't run the table the rest of the way, but if they can stay healthy and close out those close games, then good grief, the cellar of the NFC North may not be their end of the season dwelling. Think about it logically, in terms of the Lions getting fully healthy and everyone else dying:

Vikings: Brett Favre broke his ankle. Do you think he's gonna take himself out? So, ergo, guess who's gonna keep getting destroyed, game after game, just to preserve his padinky record? Brad Childress is a moron. And now, after half a season, the Vikes look officially horrible.

Bears: Biggest sham team in the league. They're not terrible, but they are NOT the team their record displays them to be. The fact they are falling apart before our eyes is evidence enough.

Packers: I don't know how the Touch of Death shifted from Detroit to Green Bay, but, well, thank God. I feel bad for them, because watching your team's players dropping like flies is a form of torture just behind toothpicks under fingernails. However, their linebacking corps is in shambles, their running game is sub par, and Aaron Rodgers can be beat.

I believe that the rest of the season will go well for the Lions. And even if it doesn't, this team is a team on the rise, and if they gank a high draft pick.....man. Let's hope they get this labor hoo-ha straightened out so's we can enjoy us some winning foosball next year!

Bye Week Poopsense

Soooooo, the Lions' bye week is coming up, and you know what that means? Yup, it means now we have to watch some other NFC North team or a regional poo-fest. But hey, at least they get that big break to heal up and get ready to play the Redskins.

Well, unless you're DeAndre Levy.

Recently, the Lions signed former first round pick Bobby Carpenter to their skin-and-bones linebacking corps. They're having trouble picking which spot to give him the most reps in, though, because they aren't sure that Levy will be playing in Week 8. That's right: Levy, who has played ONE game this season, and missed gads of time in training camp and preseason due to a myriad of JV injuries, might miss yet another game. Giving him the benefit of the doubt, maybe his groin injury was something horrific, and maybe his ankle injury is unfathomably worse than is being reported... or maybe he can't suck it up like the rest of the Lions' defenders. Whatever. This is just getting ridiculous.

Levy was who the linebacking corps was being built around. He was supposed to be a cornerstone of the defense. Stafford was the same for the offense. Stafford's moneymaker, his golden right arm, was sprained. He can sit for as long as he needs to. Levy's ankle and groin were boo-booed. Delmas played with a groin injury. Everyone else is banged up. Why can't he be a leader? Remember Stafford against Cleveland? Right now it seems to me like if Levy wouldn't suck it up and play against Green Bay or New York (high profile games that really would have done wonders for the team if the Lions had won), how much can Schwartz and co believe in him?

Other odds and ends:

1) The Lions are the league leaders in dropped passes. Kevin Seifert of ESPN's NFC North blog wrote about it the other day, and says that "According to ESPN Stats & Information, they have 19. The league average is 9.6. " I wonder how many Brandon Pettigrew accounts for? Not to sound mean-spirited, but he has dropped a ton. At least he is showing remorse from it....unlike Byant Johnson. Blech.

2) Adding in Carpenter makes for yet another former high-round pick brought in by Martin Mayhew. Carpenter was the 18th overall pick by Dallas in 2006, Turk McBride was the 54th pick by Kansas City in 2007, Lawrence Jackson was the 28th pick by Seattle in 2008, and Alphonso "Man Crush" Smith was the 37th pick in 2009 by Denver. I kinda like this strategy, because they were all drafted high for a reason, and hopefully now they get the chance to capitalize on their high potential.

3) Is it me, or does the game against Dallas seem pretty winnable now? They look TERRIBLE.

I wish this was the logo on their helmets. Wow.

ohthankGOD

Calvin Johnson is slated to start today's game against the Giants, and I feel uber-better about their chances of winning. The Lions', I mean. Yeah, I'm not as 100% sure this week as I was last, but with Johnson in (Calvin, not Bryant) Detroit's top-scoring offense has a bit more room to maneuver. What I'm hoping gets done to the Giants today (aside from Eli peeing his pants in fear) is what happened to the Lions week one, namely the offense takes advantage of NY's aggressive defensive line play and just screen-passes them to death. The personnel is golden for that sort of thing.

Also suiting up today, albeit in a teeny, tiny role, is Matthew Stafford, of all people. He'll be the third QB today, and after the Incredible Sulk massacre of the other week, naturally there's a chance Matt could play if Shaun Hill gets denominated and Drew Stanton is turned into a pink smudge on the turf.

Last night I had a discussion with my buddy about the Lions' 2008 draft. Before I looked it up I recalled, at the time, being despondent over the whole thing, but after actually looking up all the picks....well, it was almost like Matt Millen did something almost right before going back to his Flintstones-like quarry house and eating raw fish. Check it out:

1 - Gosder Cherilus, T, Boston College (6-6, 317); 2 - Jordon Dizon, LB, Colorado (6-0, 229); 3 - Kevin Smith, RB, UCF (6-1, 216); 3 - Andre Fluellen, DT, Florida State (6-2, 294); 3 - Cliff Avril, DE, Purdue (6-3, 253); 5 - Kenneth Moore, WR, Wake Forest (5-11, 195); 5 - Jerome Felton, FB, Furman (6-0, 240); 7 - Landon Cohen, DT, Ohio (6-1, 290); 7 - Caleb Campbell, SS, Army (6-2, 229)

Mostly role players, sure, but these are guys who fill in necessary roles on Detroit's team. Heck, outside of Kenneth Moore and Dizon, they've all played really well this season. I'm not ready to slap ol' Matty on the back just yet (unless he has a pair of scissors to his own nose, but, y'know), but that wasn't too bad of a draft. Hmm.

"Matt do good?"

ALRIGHT ALREADY

So. Injured players. I understand that the nuances of professional football are physically violent, and the fact that these athletes manage to get up the morning after is nothing short of a miracle....

......HOWEVAAAH, I am getting awfully sick of this nonsense. The Lions have had a barrage of injuries dating back to August, and it seems like they're all in flux; some injuries linger, others seem to hop from player to player, but the constant is that these guys just seem to get and stay injured. Who are the biggest perpetrators thus far into the season?

3) Jahvid Best. Sure, he played last week and did rather well, but I have this horrible feeling his turf toe won't be going away anytime soon. And you KNOW that as a shifty, speedy player that his injury will impede his dynamic abilities. Hopefully Kevin Smith (who nearly took this spot on the list) is ready to rock and take some of Jahvid's carries to keep him healthy. I really do like Kevin Smith, and a tandem between those two should be great....if Best's toe doesn't turn into an issue.

2) Matt Stafford. The talent is obvious, as is the moxy. Everyone believes in the dude when he's playing....but the dude is NOT playing. As of this Sunday he will actually have missed more games than he has played. This. Is. Infuriating. The quarterback of the future remains just that, and not of the present. All this cloak and dagger BS about his shoulder needs to ease up as well. Does it really make that much of a difference if the other team knows Stafford is improving or could even play? DADDY DOESN'T CARE, DADDY JUST WANTS TO KNOW WHETHER OR NOT TO KEEP BELIEVING IN SHAUN HILL.

1) DeAndre Levy. I've had it with this guy. The Lions dissed Larry Foote and had him leave because they believe(d) so much in Levy, and it's one little nagging injury after the other. Shades of Teddy Lehman if you ask me. Follett came back from a concussion to play, and Julian Peterson is made of cast iron. This A-hole, on the other hand, cannot seem to get and stay on the playing field, and it's been this way since August. MY GOSH, DUDE, JUST PLAY! The D would surely benefit from having him, but God knows when that'll be.

"My mouth is strained from frowning! I'ma miss me another game!"

p.s.

Louis Delmas is injured. He's been injured. BUT HE'S ALSO PLAYED EVERY GAME AND PLAYED HARD.

potential success?

I know this is going to sound like sunshine shot right out of a rectum, but consider the Lions schedule for the durations of the season:

Oct 10	St. Louis	1:00pm
Oct 17	@N.Y. Giants	1:00pm
Week 7	BYE
Oct 31	Washington	1:00pm
Nov 7	N.Y. Jets	1:00pm
Nov 14	@Buffalo	1:00pm
Nov 21	@Dallas	1:00pm
Nov 25	New England	12:30pm
Dec 5	Chicago	1:00pm
Dec 12	Green Bay	1:00pm
Dec 19	@Tampa Bay	1:00pm
Dec 26	@Miami	1:00pm
Jan 2	Minnesota	1:00pm

So.

Let's look at this logically (and by "logically" I mean "with the rosiest spectacles money can acquire!"): the Lions have been playing shorthanded pretty much all season, injury-wise. Nobody seems to be able to stay/get/maintain being healthy. Now, let's also assume the injured people start coming back, coupled with the strides the people who are playing have made. Suddenly, the team looks a heckuva lot better. Next week, para example:

Rams. The stank Rams that won all of 1 game last year. The stank Rams that have a hobbled Steven Jackson and a cast of characters that aren't really better than the teams the Lions have played thus far. Optimistically, let's say the Lions get Nate Burleson and DeAndre Levy back. The LB's then have Follett, Peterson, and Levy AKA the Lineup That isn't Terrible (Nothing against Landon Johnson or Other Guy who filled in.....uh....admirably?.......but, having the natural MLB back is, well, a terrific upgrade). Calvin Johnson has a guy on the other side of the field who is, most decidedly, a trillion times better than Bryant Johnson. In addition to the magical due of Scheffler and Pettigrew (you can only imagine how hard that guy's gonna work this week on NOT dropping passes. Oy). In addition to another week's health improvement to Jahvid Best. In addition to Kevin Smith getting back into game shape. Suddenly, the offense isn't looking so bleak.

In fact, it looks, well, good. Better than it has been in weeks, really.

Will they lose this game? I don't think so.

And now, after using logic, let me break down how things can go the rest of the season, barring horrible injuries and Stafford coming back.

Week 5 - Rams - a win at home, or Ndamukong Suh will destroy a federal building with his bare hands (or will they be BEAR hands?! ....'cause he's a beast. Whatever). (1-4)

Week 6 - @ NY Giants - with they way they've been playing, in all honesty, this could be a win as well. Eli Manning is flipping out. They can't seem to run. I think Stafford comes back this week. If the Lions can stretch the field and even utilize this screen-and-underneath passing they worked so well today, they can get ahead. (2-4)

Week 7 - Bye - pfft. Piece of cake.

Week 8 - Washington - I feel like the Redskins have been playing over their heads, and they haven't even really been playing that well. Also, injuries: healed. I see "win." (3-4)

Week 9 - NY Jets - Ugh. Sorry Kong, but this is a home win that seems a bit out of reach. Loss, in a closer matchup than people think (AKA Stafford outplays Sanchez, but loses the game because the Jets D is SNAWESOME). (3-5)

Week 10 - @ Buffalo - Thank the Good Lord they have been playing about as crappily as a team can. If (IIIIIIIFFFFFFFF) the Lions lose to the Giants, this should be their first road win of the year. (4-5)

Week 11 - @ Dallas - This just doesn't seem like a game the Cowboys will lose. They have too much on the line...and yet, that could be all Detroit needs. The Lions will be playing like a team with nothing to lose, and Romo can't seem to deal with pressure....but still. They will pass all over Detroit's secondary. (4-6)

Week 12 - New England - I want to pick the Lions for this game. I NEED to pick the Lions for this game. I just....can't. Don't get me wrong: this game is completely winnable for Detroit. It's just that I don't think their luck will hold out on this one. Still, it really could be a win. (4-7)

Week 13 - Chicago - I think the Lions have this game circled on their calendars. They are going to try and decapitate Jay Cutler, and I think the offensive line, for the first time all season, will try and cripple an opposing defensive line. It will be a good, heart-healthy win. (5-7)

Week 14 - Green Bay - This game has me vexed. I mean, after today's performance, they should be able to win this game. But the thing is, I don't think the Packers have matured quite yet this year; they are going to get better. They are too talented not to. I think this is another loss, but perhaps a closer one than I think. (5-8)

Week 15 - @ Tampa Bay - I think this could be a win. The Bucs...they're also playing over their heads. They remind me a lot of the Lions last year, how they had some people....but a lot of open space. I think this will be a win. (6-8)

Week 16 - @ Miami - This is the game I believe in with no real explanation. I just feel like the Lions will win this game. Call it a Christmas miracle. (7-8)

Week 17 - Minnesota - Blech. As much as I'm loathe to admit it, I think the Vikings will be doing a whole lot better by the end of the season. I just dry heaved a little, but I think this will be a loss, but it will be a loss that sets the table for a NASTY rivalry next year. (7-9)

I don't know. I honestly believe that record is within grasp, but again, that's barring horrific injuries and what not.

/pooped a bit

0 and 4

It's funny; In a perfect world, with a few breaks and a call or two in their favor in the waning seconds of a game, the Lions would, amazingly, be 4 and 0.

I pooped.

I pooped because that notion seems....pleasant?

...Unrealistic?

...Unrealistic yet conceivably, delightfully true?

Pooped!

It was almost unanimously agreed upon (it's true, I polled) that the Lions should have won Week 1 over the Bears. That rule, that hideously arcane and asinine "Process" rule, cost them. I don't care if it was properly enforced (which, theoretically, it was), it was devastating and unfair.

Week 2 saw them lose to the Eagles. Nate Burleson was injured the first play of the game. DeAndre Levy was still injured and didn't play. Michael Vick somehow avoided multiple sacks and the Detroit defense thought they could arm-tackle everyone. Shaun Hill tried too hard to force too many passes, and Scott Linehan just couldn't figure out short-yardage situations. That loss, that 3-point loss, could have been a win with a little luck and a lot less stupid.

The Vikings in Week 3? Frankly, Favre has the NFL in his back pocket, and it showed. It was an atrociously called game with two turnovers overturned by penalties that should not have counted (Chris Houston inception, anyone?), in addition to big plays negated by very questionable penalties. Detroit was absolutely jobbed out of that game, and the officials let the Vikings bully the Lions. Also, Stefan Logan killed me. It was Howie-Long-Mock-Disgust-bad.

And this week? Against the Packers? Criminal. Again, the Lions tried so hard, but came up empty with a combination of bad luck turnovers and cheap officiating. It's just....frustrating. Impotent frustration that no one can do anything about.

But.

After four games, I thought the Lions would be 1-3. And I thought they could finish 7-9. They have played 2 games against teams that were preseason Super Bowl picks (Minnesota and Green Bay), they played 1 game against a team that has been to the playoffs the last two years (Philadelphia), and a team that was supposed to ride a mad genius' offense for an absurd amount of points (Chicago), and they have hung tough for every game. They could have won every game. They could be undefeated right now, and they don't even have a full bloody roster yet.

Pooped again.

Matt Stafford, the quarterback that looked so.... fantastic... in the preseason hasn't played in the last three games. Burleson, the guy who was supposed to be everything Bryant Johnson, Dennis Northcutt, etc. wasn't, hasn't played in the last three games (one series against Philly? C'mon, chum. Blech). DeAndre Levy, the guy who was supposed to be the Middle Linebacker of the Future, has played one game. Everyone is nicked up. It sucks. It's ridiculous. And still, they could be 4 and 0.

I like the makeup of this team. I like the players. I even like the coaches (who are getting a lambasting recently in local media outlets). There is plenty of reason for optimism, and things should be getting better.

I just wish these jerks would get healthy. My gosh.