there's a gypsy somewhere laughing.

Today's game was a metaphor. No, wait, no. It was symbolic of....it.....hmm. Let me try again.

Okay.

The game that was played today was three quarters and 13 minutes of great, gutsy football. The last two minutes was a dripping lizard abortion. The playcalling was alright, the execution as as painful as passing a necklace of kidney stones.

With 2 minutes left to play and a 20-17 lead, Drew Stanton's protection broke on a 3rd and 6. He scrambled right and, instead of sliding and taking the sack that would keep the clock running, he threw (HE THREW) a pathetic flick towards Jerome Felton. Which was dropped because it was an awful throw, a surprising throw. The clock stops, and a Jets offense with serious momentum gets the ball. They have no timeouts, but it's a play based on script that has been reused multiple times for the Lions: choking.

The Lions' mighty defensive line was held up by an absolutely terrific Jets offensive line. Then, a secondary that is merely okay, not good or even pretty good, is put on the spot. The linebackers are a joke and did nothing to help, all game (it is kind of funny, though: the higher paid and more well-known the linebacker, the worse he plays. Landon Johnson and Ashlee Palmer have been playing rather well, while Levy has been "meh" and Julian Peterson has been nothing short of embarassing). Of course the Jets will move the ball. Of course they will be put in a position to win.

Another cursed kick in the nuts was Matt Stafford again injuring himself. Does this person know how to take a hit? Does he know how to land correctly? I've had it with him - he's in the Crap Hut with DeAndre Levy and Stephen Peterman until he does something HUGE to win me back.

Probably the most insulting part of the game, the part that was spitefully cruel, was the injury to Jason Hanson. Hanson has been the last bastion of hope consistency and hope for a team mired in bad fortune, and to watch him crumple and be hurt enough to not come back in....it hurt the fans watching. And of course Nick Harris, a capable punter, turns out to be a horrific kicker. So who's going to come in and attempt the extra point? Ndamukong Suh. Dude's now officially played on offense and special teams (Fullback, Kicker...yeesh). Regretfully, he shanked the kick. It hit the goalpost, so it wasn't a completely terrible kick. However, that missed extra point could have made a WORLD of difference. Think about it: instead of Folk making the easy field goal to tie the game, the Jets would have to get the touchdown. That would mean a long, deep throw, with the defensive line playing like they are possessed. I would have given the odds to the Lions' D in that case, but it's a moot point.

They lost. This loss isn't like the earlier crappy losses, where they Lions seemed to be playing from behind the entire game. They had the lead. THEY LEAD THE THIRD BEST TEAM IN THE ENTIRE NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE, and they couldn't close. So, lessons to take from this game, in all its spiteful, angry, cruel embodiment:

1) Drew Stanton has been and always will be terrible. Dude's got chutzpah, but that doesn't get him any results. Ever. Shaun Hill was supposed to be the guy to bail them out when Stafford goes down, and he couldn't play. All Stanton had to do was run a clock-eating offense. And he failed miserably.

2) The linebackers are by far and away the weakest part of this team. I mean they are absolutely atrocious. Instead of looking at a Prince Amukamara or Patrick Peterson in the draft, maybe they should focus on a dominating outside linebacker. Or two or three, especially when they cut Julian Peterson.

3) Matt Stafford is injury-prone. He may be tougher than John Wayne's elbows, but that dude cannot stop being injured. If he wants to shake that label then he will have to play through pain. It also brings to light a point that some thought was no longer a factor: The offensive line needs more help. Still. A good line can open holes for Jahvid Best and Kevin Smith. A good line can block for their quarterback, can buy him that extra half second, can keep him upright. A good line won't get called for back-breaking asinine penalties.

In a weird sort of way, it was nice that the Lions lost this game. It was close and they played one of the best teams in the NFL doggedly. They went nose-to-nose with the best defense in the league and put up 20 points, including being the only team to score a touchdown against the Jets in the first quarter of a game. And now, after all the goodwill, all the hope, all the rampant, blind optimism, we can honestly complain about stupid decisions. Good teams make crappy decisions and their fans are completely at liberty to complain. We can now complain, and be angry that they didn't win instead of just being a-okay that they just hung in there.

We expect them to win now. And it is gloriously painful.

Underneath the larger fellow is David Carr. David Carr was pounded mercilessly during his tenure with the Texans. He was a talented first overall pick with a sorry offensive line. Matt Stafford stands a chance of being Carr v.2.0.

My blood just ran cold.

ALRIGHT ALREADY

So. Injured players. I understand that the nuances of professional football are physically violent, and the fact that these athletes manage to get up the morning after is nothing short of a miracle....

......HOWEVAAAH, I am getting awfully sick of this nonsense. The Lions have had a barrage of injuries dating back to August, and it seems like they're all in flux; some injuries linger, others seem to hop from player to player, but the constant is that these guys just seem to get and stay injured. Who are the biggest perpetrators thus far into the season?

3) Jahvid Best. Sure, he played last week and did rather well, but I have this horrible feeling his turf toe won't be going away anytime soon. And you KNOW that as a shifty, speedy player that his injury will impede his dynamic abilities. Hopefully Kevin Smith (who nearly took this spot on the list) is ready to rock and take some of Jahvid's carries to keep him healthy. I really do like Kevin Smith, and a tandem between those two should be great....if Best's toe doesn't turn into an issue.

2) Matt Stafford. The talent is obvious, as is the moxy. Everyone believes in the dude when he's playing....but the dude is NOT playing. As of this Sunday he will actually have missed more games than he has played. This. Is. Infuriating. The quarterback of the future remains just that, and not of the present. All this cloak and dagger BS about his shoulder needs to ease up as well. Does it really make that much of a difference if the other team knows Stafford is improving or could even play? DADDY DOESN'T CARE, DADDY JUST WANTS TO KNOW WHETHER OR NOT TO KEEP BELIEVING IN SHAUN HILL.

1) DeAndre Levy. I've had it with this guy. The Lions dissed Larry Foote and had him leave because they believe(d) so much in Levy, and it's one little nagging injury after the other. Shades of Teddy Lehman if you ask me. Follett came back from a concussion to play, and Julian Peterson is made of cast iron. This A-hole, on the other hand, cannot seem to get and stay on the playing field, and it's been this way since August. MY GOSH, DUDE, JUST PLAY! The D would surely benefit from having him, but God knows when that'll be.

"My mouth is strained from frowning! I'ma miss me another game!"

p.s.

Louis Delmas is injured. He's been injured. BUT HE'S ALSO PLAYED EVERY GAME AND PLAYED HARD.

potential success?

I know this is going to sound like sunshine shot right out of a rectum, but consider the Lions schedule for the durations of the season:

Oct 10	St. Louis	1:00pm
Oct 17	@N.Y. Giants	1:00pm
Week 7	BYE
Oct 31	Washington	1:00pm
Nov 7	N.Y. Jets	1:00pm
Nov 14	@Buffalo	1:00pm
Nov 21	@Dallas	1:00pm
Nov 25	New England	12:30pm
Dec 5	Chicago	1:00pm
Dec 12	Green Bay	1:00pm
Dec 19	@Tampa Bay	1:00pm
Dec 26	@Miami	1:00pm
Jan 2	Minnesota	1:00pm

So.

Let's look at this logically (and by "logically" I mean "with the rosiest spectacles money can acquire!"): the Lions have been playing shorthanded pretty much all season, injury-wise. Nobody seems to be able to stay/get/maintain being healthy. Now, let's also assume the injured people start coming back, coupled with the strides the people who are playing have made. Suddenly, the team looks a heckuva lot better. Next week, para example:

Rams. The stank Rams that won all of 1 game last year. The stank Rams that have a hobbled Steven Jackson and a cast of characters that aren't really better than the teams the Lions have played thus far. Optimistically, let's say the Lions get Nate Burleson and DeAndre Levy back. The LB's then have Follett, Peterson, and Levy AKA the Lineup That isn't Terrible (Nothing against Landon Johnson or Other Guy who filled in.....uh....admirably?.......but, having the natural MLB back is, well, a terrific upgrade). Calvin Johnson has a guy on the other side of the field who is, most decidedly, a trillion times better than Bryant Johnson. In addition to the magical due of Scheffler and Pettigrew (you can only imagine how hard that guy's gonna work this week on NOT dropping passes. Oy). In addition to another week's health improvement to Jahvid Best. In addition to Kevin Smith getting back into game shape. Suddenly, the offense isn't looking so bleak.

In fact, it looks, well, good. Better than it has been in weeks, really.

Will they lose this game? I don't think so.

And now, after using logic, let me break down how things can go the rest of the season, barring horrible injuries and Stafford coming back.

Week 5 - Rams - a win at home, or Ndamukong Suh will destroy a federal building with his bare hands (or will they be BEAR hands?! ....'cause he's a beast. Whatever). (1-4)

Week 6 - @ NY Giants - with they way they've been playing, in all honesty, this could be a win as well. Eli Manning is flipping out. They can't seem to run. I think Stafford comes back this week. If the Lions can stretch the field and even utilize this screen-and-underneath passing they worked so well today, they can get ahead. (2-4)

Week 7 - Bye - pfft. Piece of cake.

Week 8 - Washington - I feel like the Redskins have been playing over their heads, and they haven't even really been playing that well. Also, injuries: healed. I see "win." (3-4)

Week 9 - NY Jets - Ugh. Sorry Kong, but this is a home win that seems a bit out of reach. Loss, in a closer matchup than people think (AKA Stafford outplays Sanchez, but loses the game because the Jets D is SNAWESOME). (3-5)

Week 10 - @ Buffalo - Thank the Good Lord they have been playing about as crappily as a team can. If (IIIIIIIFFFFFFFF) the Lions lose to the Giants, this should be their first road win of the year. (4-5)

Week 11 - @ Dallas - This just doesn't seem like a game the Cowboys will lose. They have too much on the line...and yet, that could be all Detroit needs. The Lions will be playing like a team with nothing to lose, and Romo can't seem to deal with pressure....but still. They will pass all over Detroit's secondary. (4-6)

Week 12 - New England - I want to pick the Lions for this game. I NEED to pick the Lions for this game. I just....can't. Don't get me wrong: this game is completely winnable for Detroit. It's just that I don't think their luck will hold out on this one. Still, it really could be a win. (4-7)

Week 13 - Chicago - I think the Lions have this game circled on their calendars. They are going to try and decapitate Jay Cutler, and I think the offensive line, for the first time all season, will try and cripple an opposing defensive line. It will be a good, heart-healthy win. (5-7)

Week 14 - Green Bay - This game has me vexed. I mean, after today's performance, they should be able to win this game. But the thing is, I don't think the Packers have matured quite yet this year; they are going to get better. They are too talented not to. I think this is another loss, but perhaps a closer one than I think. (5-8)

Week 15 - @ Tampa Bay - I think this could be a win. The Bucs...they're also playing over their heads. They remind me a lot of the Lions last year, how they had some people....but a lot of open space. I think this will be a win. (6-8)

Week 16 - @ Miami - This is the game I believe in with no real explanation. I just feel like the Lions will win this game. Call it a Christmas miracle. (7-8)

Week 17 - Minnesota - Blech. As much as I'm loathe to admit it, I think the Vikings will be doing a whole lot better by the end of the season. I just dry heaved a little, but I think this will be a loss, but it will be a loss that sets the table for a NASTY rivalry next year. (7-9)

I don't know. I honestly believe that record is within grasp, but again, that's barring horrific injuries and what not.

/pooped a bit