HA-cha cha!

Man, I cannot heap enough praise on the Lions for today. Fox's pregame parade of dunces saw both Michael Strahan and Terry Bradshaw pick the Rams to win today, and many other journalists saw St. Louis as a rising power in the West (again, blind guys, butt-touching). I'm not saying that St. Louis is gawd-awful, nor am I saying that they aren't improving at a pretty good clip. I'm just saying BOOM! LIONS WIN! As I've read nearly ad infinitum today, this was the Lions' biggest victory since a 44-0 drubbing of the Jacksonville Jaguars in 1995, and the first time they've won by more than one touchdown since their nearly identical thrashing of the Broncos in 2007, 44-7. Mmmmmmm, tastes like gingerbread cookies...

So, what made this game so spectacular? A Victorious Top Five:

1) Stefan Logan's Return - The other game, when Logan fumbled deep in enemy territory, I cursed his name. However, his diligence on special teams has been winning me back, play by play. Today? Wow. When was the last time the Lions had a returner who was a legitimate threat? Desmond Howard? Glen Milbyrn? Mel Gray? Either way, his electrifying run set Ford Field on fire.

2) Alphonso Smith - His Carlton Banks dance was the cherry on top of his fantastic sunday...sundae. He now has interceptions the past three games, and seems like a good corner companion to Chris Houston. (The scale is as such, from lowest to highest: the worst, terrible, pretty bad, bad, not bad, decent, okay, pretty good, good, really good, great, the best. Intense and descriptive!) He was a blanket on his coverage today, and he makes Jonathan Wade seem like a bad dream. It may be early, but it seems like Mayhew fleeced yet another team in a trade.

3) Honest-to-God Running Game - Rotating Jahvid Best and Kevin Smith was a dream come true. Both backs were effective and complimentary, and it seemed like both wouldn't accept anything like than positive yardage. It's so strange, to finally be like any other team in the NFL that has a solid-to-good running back tandem.

4) Ndamukong Suh, Destroyer of Worlds - Dude had an interception. That he deflected to himself. And his return? He moved like a linebacker. HE'S A DEFENSIVE TACKLE! Just watching him dominate the line of scrimmage....you almost believe him when he says that the Lions won't lose another home game.

5) Scott Linehan's trickery - It was fantastic to see him calling long strikes and appropriate running plays. Also, the fact he ran a trick play with personnel that can handle it was just fantastic. He really seemed to be enjoying himself today, calling plays that utilized the talents of his offense. Very refreshing.

Two sub thoughts:

1) Opening onside kick? Really, Rams? Assholes.

2) Nate Burleson really is a trillion times better than Bryant Johnson. Right now, I'm dreaming of the Lions cutting the lesser Johnson and picking up Devin Thomas. Sigh. Dreams.

0 and 4

It's funny; In a perfect world, with a few breaks and a call or two in their favor in the waning seconds of a game, the Lions would, amazingly, be 4 and 0.

I pooped.

I pooped because that notion seems....pleasant?

...Unrealistic?

...Unrealistic yet conceivably, delightfully true?

Pooped!

It was almost unanimously agreed upon (it's true, I polled) that the Lions should have won Week 1 over the Bears. That rule, that hideously arcane and asinine "Process" rule, cost them. I don't care if it was properly enforced (which, theoretically, it was), it was devastating and unfair.

Week 2 saw them lose to the Eagles. Nate Burleson was injured the first play of the game. DeAndre Levy was still injured and didn't play. Michael Vick somehow avoided multiple sacks and the Detroit defense thought they could arm-tackle everyone. Shaun Hill tried too hard to force too many passes, and Scott Linehan just couldn't figure out short-yardage situations. That loss, that 3-point loss, could have been a win with a little luck and a lot less stupid.

The Vikings in Week 3? Frankly, Favre has the NFL in his back pocket, and it showed. It was an atrociously called game with two turnovers overturned by penalties that should not have counted (Chris Houston inception, anyone?), in addition to big plays negated by very questionable penalties. Detroit was absolutely jobbed out of that game, and the officials let the Vikings bully the Lions. Also, Stefan Logan killed me. It was Howie-Long-Mock-Disgust-bad.

And this week? Against the Packers? Criminal. Again, the Lions tried so hard, but came up empty with a combination of bad luck turnovers and cheap officiating. It's just....frustrating. Impotent frustration that no one can do anything about.

But.

After four games, I thought the Lions would be 1-3. And I thought they could finish 7-9. They have played 2 games against teams that were preseason Super Bowl picks (Minnesota and Green Bay), they played 1 game against a team that has been to the playoffs the last two years (Philadelphia), and a team that was supposed to ride a mad genius' offense for an absurd amount of points (Chicago), and they have hung tough for every game. They could have won every game. They could be undefeated right now, and they don't even have a full bloody roster yet.

Pooped again.

Matt Stafford, the quarterback that looked so.... fantastic... in the preseason hasn't played in the last three games. Burleson, the guy who was supposed to be everything Bryant Johnson, Dennis Northcutt, etc. wasn't, hasn't played in the last three games (one series against Philly? C'mon, chum. Blech). DeAndre Levy, the guy who was supposed to be the Middle Linebacker of the Future, has played one game. Everyone is nicked up. It sucks. It's ridiculous. And still, they could be 4 and 0.

I like the makeup of this team. I like the players. I even like the coaches (who are getting a lambasting recently in local media outlets). There is plenty of reason for optimism, and things should be getting better.

I just wish these jerks would get healthy. My gosh.