'Skins 'n Such

I'm not normally a politically correct person, but I still think it's absurd that the Washington Redskins still retain their name. I won't go into a rant, because what hasn't been said before? Anyway.

The Lions are coming off their bye week, and it's a shame that the game will be blacked out in metro Detroit. It's funny that the hubbub surrounding that fact kinda overshadows the main problem with NFL game attendance in general: fans, the average blue-collar NFL-loving fans, are priced out of the games. Baseball games can be attended for 10 bucks. NFL tickets, the lowest priced ones, can cost up to 4 times as much. And do you think the yuppie fans care about this team? no, no they don't. Holy balls, I just realized I'm going into another "JUSTICE!" rant two paragraphs in. Geez, it's been a long week. Blech.

OKAY. Sunday's game against the 'Skins. I believe it's more than winnable. Last week's game of Chicago and Washington was absolutely hideous. Turnovers were everywhere, and it was one of those games where neither team felt like winning, and Washington just seems to be one of those kinds of teams in general. Their roster isn't impressive (especially their offense), and their defense, although they have some incredible defensive players, remain inconsistent.

Detroit, on the other hand, has remained consistent. It's just unfortunate that they have consistently been defeating themselves. Now, their roster is nearly intact and healthy. The main two components of this game, I think, is 1) Matt Stafford firing darts around (especially 2-3 DEEP bombs) and 2) Will Bleu Cheese Levy suit up and play well? So far I've read that he's likely to play, but is still (naturally) not totally healthy.

I swear, if this is a repeat of his last game (attempting to play, injury, out indefinitely), I'm going to have kittens. I mean it, I'm gonna blast felines out my hooch. The Lions let Larry Foote walk for this guy, and he has yet to prove he can lead this D. Ranting again? What in the world is going on today?

SO. ANGRY CAPS IT IS TO FOCUS. I PICK THE LIONS TO WIN THIS GAME, AND I FEEL ESPECIALLY CONFIDENT IN THIS PICK BECAUSE NDAMUKONG SUH REFUSES TO LOSE HOME GAMES ANYMORE. THE REDSKINS RECEIVERS CAN'T STOP DROPPING PASSES. JAHVID BEST CAN RUN AROUND ALBERT HAYNESWORTH (who is terrifying again). GOD WILLING, THIS WILL BE ANOTHER BLOWOUT.

Also, this past week Tom Kowalski wrote a phenomenal piece in MLive about how the Lions, now with Stafford, can stretch the field to a ridiculous degree. Calvin Johnson is a physical freak, correct? Kowalski reasons that if they run several straight up Go routes for Johnson, who can pace him? Landry is a bullet, but how are his coverage skills? Hall seems to thrive in chaos, but can he keep up with Calvin? This strategy is brilliant, and if the Redskins are playing Johnson honest, Stafford should be able to connect multiple times with Pettigrew, Burleson, and Scheffler.

Calvin smiles when he remembers he's wearing Az Hakim's old jersey number.

A New Season

If I may be permitted to spew some teenaged interweb vernacular,

ZOMG

Jahvid Best practiced today. Matt Stafford has been practicing. Calvin Johnson's arm feels good. Even DeAndre "Bleu Cheese" Levy is slated to play. To START.

I just pooped again.

Look, I know and you know the Lions won't run the table the rest of the way, but if they can stay healthy and close out those close games, then good grief, the cellar of the NFC North may not be their end of the season dwelling. Think about it logically, in terms of the Lions getting fully healthy and everyone else dying:

Vikings: Brett Favre broke his ankle. Do you think he's gonna take himself out? So, ergo, guess who's gonna keep getting destroyed, game after game, just to preserve his padinky record? Brad Childress is a moron. And now, after half a season, the Vikes look officially horrible.

Bears: Biggest sham team in the league. They're not terrible, but they are NOT the team their record displays them to be. The fact they are falling apart before our eyes is evidence enough.

Packers: I don't know how the Touch of Death shifted from Detroit to Green Bay, but, well, thank God. I feel bad for them, because watching your team's players dropping like flies is a form of torture just behind toothpicks under fingernails. However, their linebacking corps is in shambles, their running game is sub par, and Aaron Rodgers can be beat.

I believe that the rest of the season will go well for the Lions. And even if it doesn't, this team is a team on the rise, and if they gank a high draft pick.....man. Let's hope they get this labor hoo-ha straightened out so's we can enjoy us some winning foosball next year!

Bye Week Poopsense

Soooooo, the Lions' bye week is coming up, and you know what that means? Yup, it means now we have to watch some other NFC North team or a regional poo-fest. But hey, at least they get that big break to heal up and get ready to play the Redskins.

Well, unless you're DeAndre Levy.

Recently, the Lions signed former first round pick Bobby Carpenter to their skin-and-bones linebacking corps. They're having trouble picking which spot to give him the most reps in, though, because they aren't sure that Levy will be playing in Week 8. That's right: Levy, who has played ONE game this season, and missed gads of time in training camp and preseason due to a myriad of JV injuries, might miss yet another game. Giving him the benefit of the doubt, maybe his groin injury was something horrific, and maybe his ankle injury is unfathomably worse than is being reported... or maybe he can't suck it up like the rest of the Lions' defenders. Whatever. This is just getting ridiculous.

Levy was who the linebacking corps was being built around. He was supposed to be a cornerstone of the defense. Stafford was the same for the offense. Stafford's moneymaker, his golden right arm, was sprained. He can sit for as long as he needs to. Levy's ankle and groin were boo-booed. Delmas played with a groin injury. Everyone else is banged up. Why can't he be a leader? Remember Stafford against Cleveland? Right now it seems to me like if Levy wouldn't suck it up and play against Green Bay or New York (high profile games that really would have done wonders for the team if the Lions had won), how much can Schwartz and co believe in him?

Other odds and ends:

1) The Lions are the league leaders in dropped passes. Kevin Seifert of ESPN's NFC North blog wrote about it the other day, and says that "According to ESPN Stats & Information, they have 19. The league average is 9.6. " I wonder how many Brandon Pettigrew accounts for? Not to sound mean-spirited, but he has dropped a ton. At least he is showing remorse from it....unlike Byant Johnson. Blech.

2) Adding in Carpenter makes for yet another former high-round pick brought in by Martin Mayhew. Carpenter was the 18th overall pick by Dallas in 2006, Turk McBride was the 54th pick by Kansas City in 2007, Lawrence Jackson was the 28th pick by Seattle in 2008, and Alphonso "Man Crush" Smith was the 37th pick in 2009 by Denver. I kinda like this strategy, because they were all drafted high for a reason, and hopefully now they get the chance to capitalize on their high potential.

3) Is it me, or does the game against Dallas seem pretty winnable now? They look TERRIBLE.

I wish this was the logo on their helmets. Wow.

Oh dear. Drew stanton? I'm lacking optimism right now...

ohthankGOD

Calvin Johnson is slated to start today's game against the Giants, and I feel uber-better about their chances of winning. The Lions', I mean. Yeah, I'm not as 100% sure this week as I was last, but with Johnson in (Calvin, not Bryant) Detroit's top-scoring offense has a bit more room to maneuver. What I'm hoping gets done to the Giants today (aside from Eli peeing his pants in fear) is what happened to the Lions week one, namely the offense takes advantage of NY's aggressive defensive line play and just screen-passes them to death. The personnel is golden for that sort of thing.

Also suiting up today, albeit in a teeny, tiny role, is Matthew Stafford, of all people. He'll be the third QB today, and after the Incredible Sulk massacre of the other week, naturally there's a chance Matt could play if Shaun Hill gets denominated and Drew Stanton is turned into a pink smudge on the turf.

Last night I had a discussion with my buddy about the Lions' 2008 draft. Before I looked it up I recalled, at the time, being despondent over the whole thing, but after actually looking up all the picks....well, it was almost like Matt Millen did something almost right before going back to his Flintstones-like quarry house and eating raw fish. Check it out:

1 - Gosder Cherilus, T, Boston College (6-6, 317); 2 - Jordon Dizon, LB, Colorado (6-0, 229); 3 - Kevin Smith, RB, UCF (6-1, 216); 3 - Andre Fluellen, DT, Florida State (6-2, 294); 3 - Cliff Avril, DE, Purdue (6-3, 253); 5 - Kenneth Moore, WR, Wake Forest (5-11, 195); 5 - Jerome Felton, FB, Furman (6-0, 240); 7 - Landon Cohen, DT, Ohio (6-1, 290); 7 - Caleb Campbell, SS, Army (6-2, 229)

Mostly role players, sure, but these are guys who fill in necessary roles on Detroit's team. Heck, outside of Kenneth Moore and Dizon, they've all played really well this season. I'm not ready to slap ol' Matty on the back just yet (unless he has a pair of scissors to his own nose, but, y'know), but that wasn't too bad of a draft. Hmm.

"Matt do good?"

No....calvin?

Oh. Oh dear.

Ugh.

Really?

Okay. Okay. So. Calvin Johnson's shoulder. I guess it was worse than I thought. This is really, really detrimental to the Lions' chances of winning (which is like saying not having a wind-surfing unicorn would be a slight loss to your neighbor's pool party). Criminy.

Things just keep falling apart for the Lions. Bad luck. Injuries. Crappy refereeing. At least they have a bye coming up, and, if there's any justice in this whole bloody universe, they come back healthy, hungry, and with a chance to rattle off several victories.

I still don't think Levy plays until Week 11.

An Unexpected Strength?

A couple days ago Tom Kowalski wrote a piece about the Lions' secondary that, well, it was like getting a song stuck in my head. He addressed the fact that over the last couple games Detroit's secondary, the same secondary that was supposedly their biggest weakness in the offseason, was inexplicably now one of their stronger, more emerging facets.

Now, from watching every game up until this point, that's actually...true. It's weird to even be writing that - before the season started it was just a mish-mash of castoffs and Louis Delmas. These guys were about as trustworthy and notable as FDR's shoes. Alphonso Smith was acquired for a fourth string tight end, Amari Spievey was looking completely lost at corner, Delmas seemed to be perpetually hobbled, and Chris Houston....well, I guess he was alright. There's also Jonathan Wade, but....blech. Later. Anyway.

ANYWAY, the first couple games, they were atrocious. Delmas wasn't himself, Houston did alright (not great, not good, not bad, not terrible just ferociously, unapologetically okay), and everyone else was just a warm body waiting to get benched. It was almost enough to wish that Phil Buchanan would stop working at the local Staples and don some pads, y'know?

And then...Delmas seemed to be healed. Houston graduated to good. Smith overtook the abortion of gameplay that was Jonathan Wade and started piling on interceptions. Nate Vasher was signed on to cover Nickel. And, wonder of wonders, Spievey's transition to safety seemed not only to be a good idea, it also seemed to be working...quickly. Suddenly, Detroit's secondary was playing well, and it seemed to compliment their amazing defensive line. Granted, this is a small sample size, but there is unexpected optimism now pertaining to the Lions' defense. And Daddy likey.

HAHAHAILOVETHIS MAN

p.s.

I'm not a Jonathan Wade fan. I was optimistic towards him when he was acquired. I thought this was his time to shine. And then? He was an automatic pass interference waiting to happen. It hasn't been this bad since Bryant Westbrook was opponents' deep threat. I'd rather have a vinegar enema than watch Jon Wade biff another pass coverage or bungle yet another arm tackle. Maybe that's why I love Smith all the more: he has rid my Sundays of gnashing teeth and impotent wailing. That, and the Carlton Banks dance. Mmmmm.

Ahhh....hmm.

Just read an interview with Justin Tuck pertaining to the Lions. He made some pretty intelligent observations, mostly regarding the competitiveness of the Lions, vocalizing how they should be 4-1 right now, maybe even undefeated.

The tone of the rest of the article, however, seemed to intimate that the Lions have a twinkie's chance in fat camp. The Giants physically destroyed Jay "the Incredible Sulk" Cutler; I've seen shark attacks that were more merciful than what NY's defensive line did to the Pouty One. The Giants then went out and put a shellacking on Houston. Houston, supposedly this year's "It" team.

Now, granted, my tirade against the Rams was fueled by irritation born of many pundits picking them as a better team against the Lions. I railed against them and presented them as a sham. I was wrong - they're no sham team, they're a team on the rise. The point I was trying to get across was that the Lions are the better team. However, some of my observations weren't that far off. Let's try a bit of that with the Giants, eh? Schedule examination!

Sunday, 9/12	1:00PM ET	FOX		W, 31-18
Sunday, 9/19	8:20PM ET	NBC		L, 38-14
Sunday, 9/26	1:00PM ET	CBS		L, 29-10
Sunday, 10/3	8:20PM ET	NBC		W, 17-3
Sunday, 10/10	1:00PM ET	FOX		W, 34-10

Their first game is against a Panthers' team that may or may not be deserving of a top 5 pick this April, and they got murderized. The Colts are a wounded animal thsi season, and they murderized the Giants. The Titans, well, I can't seem to get a read on them, but they beat the Giants. The Bears? Probably the definitive sham team right now, and the Texans, although a good team, have collapsed previously against the Cowboys and did so against the Giants.

What does that tell us? Aside from the fact that parity has rendered the NFL a crapshoot in terms of picking a winner, it tells us that the Giants run either hot or cold. They are a good team, but their consistency seems a bit off, as exemplified by Eli Manning and his unpredictable performances (as many INT's as TD's). The parity thing actually seems to work in the Lions favor, though: if the Cardinals can topple the Saints then certainly Detroit can beat NY. Actually, it seems like there's a weird upset every week, and I certainly don't see why Detroit can't be that upstart this weekend.

So, for now, I'll say that if it's a clear day void of rain, the Lions will win this game as long as they force Eli into bad choices (not that difficult) and contain Bradshaw and Jacobs (this can also be done). Also, God willing, the Lions offensive line can play its best game, because this game will feature a Giants' defensive line that could be arguably better than the Lions, and that's terrifying.

Yikes.

More Dumb

Apparently Peter King was quite confident of the Rams to win as well: "Toughest game to pick this weekend. Don't laugh. It is. I think the Lions shut down Steven Jackson, but Sam Bradford makes enough throws to put the Rams over .500 for the first time in October since Cro-Magnon walked the earth."

"What a dumb-dumb.... I hope he still lets me borrow his corduroys."

HA-cha cha!

Man, I cannot heap enough praise on the Lions for today. Fox's pregame parade of dunces saw both Michael Strahan and Terry Bradshaw pick the Rams to win today, and many other journalists saw St. Louis as a rising power in the West (again, blind guys, butt-touching). I'm not saying that St. Louis is gawd-awful, nor am I saying that they aren't improving at a pretty good clip. I'm just saying BOOM! LIONS WIN! As I've read nearly ad infinitum today, this was the Lions' biggest victory since a 44-0 drubbing of the Jacksonville Jaguars in 1995, and the first time they've won by more than one touchdown since their nearly identical thrashing of the Broncos in 2007, 44-7. Mmmmmmm, tastes like gingerbread cookies...

So, what made this game so spectacular? A Victorious Top Five:

1) Stefan Logan's Return - The other game, when Logan fumbled deep in enemy territory, I cursed his name. However, his diligence on special teams has been winning me back, play by play. Today? Wow. When was the last time the Lions had a returner who was a legitimate threat? Desmond Howard? Glen Milbyrn? Mel Gray? Either way, his electrifying run set Ford Field on fire.

2) Alphonso Smith - His Carlton Banks dance was the cherry on top of his fantastic sunday...sundae. He now has interceptions the past three games, and seems like a good corner companion to Chris Houston. (The scale is as such, from lowest to highest: the worst, terrible, pretty bad, bad, not bad, decent, okay, pretty good, good, really good, great, the best. Intense and descriptive!) He was a blanket on his coverage today, and he makes Jonathan Wade seem like a bad dream. It may be early, but it seems like Mayhew fleeced yet another team in a trade.

3) Honest-to-God Running Game - Rotating Jahvid Best and Kevin Smith was a dream come true. Both backs were effective and complimentary, and it seemed like both wouldn't accept anything like than positive yardage. It's so strange, to finally be like any other team in the NFL that has a solid-to-good running back tandem.

4) Ndamukong Suh, Destroyer of Worlds - Dude had an interception. That he deflected to himself. And his return? He moved like a linebacker. HE'S A DEFENSIVE TACKLE! Just watching him dominate the line of scrimmage....you almost believe him when he says that the Lions won't lose another home game.

5) Scott Linehan's trickery - It was fantastic to see him calling long strikes and appropriate running plays. Also, the fact he ran a trick play with personnel that can handle it was just fantastic. He really seemed to be enjoying himself today, calling plays that utilized the talents of his offense. Very refreshing.

Two sub thoughts:

1) Opening onside kick? Really, Rams? Assholes.

2) Nate Burleson really is a trillion times better than Bryant Johnson. Right now, I'm dreaming of the Lions cutting the lesser Johnson and picking up Devin Thomas. Sigh. Dreams.

SLAP!

Wow, was that cathartic.

Midway through the fourth quarter I talked to my sister and brother-in-law briefly, and I said something about how the Rams were terrible and it was fitting the Lions destroyed them. He countered with how they first in the NFC West. Well....the NFC West is like two blind guys in a butt-touching contest: who really wins in an inept competition of the handicapped? The NFC West is BRUTAL, and the post I made the other day dealing with the Rams as a sham team due to their schedule looks even better now.

I don't want to take ANYTHING away from this victory (which I'll be examining later), but it's just nice to see the Lions denominate a team they had every right to beat.

IN YOUR FACE, BRADFORD!

"pivotal"

Yesterday whilst obsessively scanning the internet, I came across a preview on the Detroit News from Chris McCosky. In it he said the game today wasn't a must-win, nor was it simply winnable, but that it was "pivotal," which sounds bad ass and quite true.

It's hard not to think of this game as a must-win, though in this day and age every NFL game seems like a must-win. But with a team that has been (and is still in the process of being) built from less than the ground up expecting win may be fool-hearty. It's kinda like what Brian Billick said last week in one of his brief and few moments of clarity in his otherwise banal existence in football: this team was LESS than an expansion team a few years ago. Matt Millen raped and plundered a franchise, worse than any GM ever had before in the NFL, and left the Lions in worse shape than the Panthers, Jaguars, and Texans when they entered the league. The fact that Lions could have won any of the previous four games is a testament to how well Martin Mayhew and Jim Schwartz have done.

Two quick thoughts:

1) On the cover of the most recent Sports Illustrated is a picture of Charles Woodson flying through the air into the end zone against the Lions last week. For a brief and futile second I saw the picture and thought maybe, just maybe, SI was going to do a story on the resurrection of this Detroit franchise...but then I saw it was just another Packers story. Now, A) if Aaron Rodgers is being fawned over by every media outlet in sports, doesn't that make him overrated? and B) Why wouldn't SI write about the Lions? A culture is changing drastically in the NFL, and you'd think they'd want to be one of the first journalistic venues to highlight and predict success for the Lions.

2) Man, I still feel like a dope for every being discouraged by (read: delusionally, psychotically, adamantly against) the hiring of Martin Mayhew. I wanted Floyd Reese something fierce, and seeing how this chump from under the Worst Regime Of All Time Ever was hired made me want to explode. I even read how several NFL executives thought that Mayhew was a spectacular choice, a sharp man with drive and intelligence to burn, but it all rang hollow. Now, seeing all he's done? Good grief, he honestly might be one of the better GM's in the league. SI would be wise to do a feature on this guy.

Guy: "Your stones are how big?"

Mayhew: "This big."

Guy: "This big??"

Mayhew: "This f'ing big, man."

ALRIGHT ALREADY

So. Injured players. I understand that the nuances of professional football are physically violent, and the fact that these athletes manage to get up the morning after is nothing short of a miracle....

......HOWEVAAAH, I am getting awfully sick of this nonsense. The Lions have had a barrage of injuries dating back to August, and it seems like they're all in flux; some injuries linger, others seem to hop from player to player, but the constant is that these guys just seem to get and stay injured. Who are the biggest perpetrators thus far into the season?

3) Jahvid Best. Sure, he played last week and did rather well, but I have this horrible feeling his turf toe won't be going away anytime soon. And you KNOW that as a shifty, speedy player that his injury will impede his dynamic abilities. Hopefully Kevin Smith (who nearly took this spot on the list) is ready to rock and take some of Jahvid's carries to keep him healthy. I really do like Kevin Smith, and a tandem between those two should be great....if Best's toe doesn't turn into an issue.

2) Matt Stafford. The talent is obvious, as is the moxy. Everyone believes in the dude when he's playing....but the dude is NOT playing. As of this Sunday he will actually have missed more games than he has played. This. Is. Infuriating. The quarterback of the future remains just that, and not of the present. All this cloak and dagger BS about his shoulder needs to ease up as well. Does it really make that much of a difference if the other team knows Stafford is improving or could even play? DADDY DOESN'T CARE, DADDY JUST WANTS TO KNOW WHETHER OR NOT TO KEEP BELIEVING IN SHAUN HILL.

1) DeAndre Levy. I've had it with this guy. The Lions dissed Larry Foote and had him leave because they believe(d) so much in Levy, and it's one little nagging injury after the other. Shades of Teddy Lehman if you ask me. Follett came back from a concussion to play, and Julian Peterson is made of cast iron. This A-hole, on the other hand, cannot seem to get and stay on the playing field, and it's been this way since August. MY GOSH, DUDE, JUST PLAY! The D would surely benefit from having him, but God knows when that'll be.

"My mouth is strained from frowning! I'ma miss me another game!"

p.s.

Louis Delmas is injured. He's been injured. BUT HE'S ALSO PLAYED EVERY GAME AND PLAYED HARD.

Rams look v.1.0

So, the Detroit columnists are beginning to hypothesize about the impending matchup this weekend with the St. Louis Rams. Drew Sharp touches upon it in his own impish, antagonistic way (I can only imagine how absolutely dire he'll make it seem by this weekend), and Carlos Monarrez gives a brief description of how the Rams are rolling this year.

Granted, I do think this is a must-win game, if that phrase can even exist this early in a season, but if the Lions do lose, it will be close and probably due to some cruddy officiating. I just don't think the Rams are capable this time around. Let's break their schedule thus far down:

1	Sun, Sep 12	vs Arizona	L 17-13
2	Sun, Sep 19	@ Oakland	L 16-14
3	Sun, Sep 26	vs Washington	W 30-16
4	Sun, Oct 3	vs Seattle	W 20-3

This doesn't seem like the hardest schedule when you actually look at it, eh? Losses against a Cardinals team that is absolutely atrocious and a Raiders team that is, well, pretty bad as well. They beat Washington at home (Washington is pretty inept, honestly) and Seattle at home (Look at the Seahawks roster. Is it even better than a collegiate team? Really?). Steven Jackson is pretty beaten up, so running into the Lions healthy front seven could knock him around. The defensive line has been pretty dern good against Jay Cutler, Brett Favre, and Aaron Rodgers. They did an okay job against Mike Vick, but really, how do most "good" teams do against him? Bradford is, lest we all forget, a rookie. If the Lions keep constant pressure on him, give him little to no time to make decisions, then I don't see why they can't force him into turnovers.

Get ahead, attack the QB when they need to air it out, and just keep grinding with Best and Smith, and I don't see why this can't be the first decisive victory of the season.